There is nothing more to it

Saturday, 6 Aug 2005 | Leaving the Netherlands

A few of days ago I wrote a couple of things down that I felt I had to investigate before making the decision if or not I would want to go. But when I look at them now, I feel there are actually two different things. The first being the big question if or not I want to go, the rest are more along the lines of practicalities. I feel like the latter is the only thing I really think about anymore.

Every single time I force myself to think about the big question “do I want to move to Bangkok or not?”, I find myself looking for pro and con arguments as if I’m waiting for a big ‘eureka’ moment. I don’t think that is ever going to come. The only really big argument I keep coming up with is my gut feeling that is telling me to go. It makes me feel excited, nervous, anxious, happy and eager just thinking about moving to Bangkok. It makes me feel like I’m an athlete warming up at the start of a big tournament - not that I would know what that feels like, I know.

So … for the sake of clarity, to myself too: I’m going. There are a lot of things to be worked out, perhaps I’ll run into things that can not be worked out and will keep me from going. But if it’s up to me, and I’ll try as hard as I can to make as much ‘up to me’ as I can … I’m going.