From car to plane

Friday, 31 Aug 2007 | Journal

Every time I leave Delhi I have to make my way through the very old and painfully dying Delhi airport. It always surprises me how things work there and how many people must be working at this airport. I’m flying back to Bangkok (home, sweet home) as I write this, so for your but also my own entertainment, here is a rundown of the interactions I have with people on my way from the car to the plane.

I’ll thank Mandeep for his services and give him a tip, which differs depending on the number of days I have been in Delhi. It took quite a while to find a driver with whom I am happy, most of them either spoke zero English, would continuously burp while driving (I’m not kidding, two of them did!) and be one of those honking Delhi maniacs. Mandeep speaks English, is a kind and gentle person, never honks, picks up my routines without me even telling him, etc. So I’m settled on him. See you next time, Mandeep!

And into the first queue I go, to be allowed into the actual airport building. As I wear a suit, I’ll be hassled by two or three unofficial people who try to make themselves look official by wearing tags. Business class, Sir? Business class? I made the mistake of saying yes once, which made them take me out of the line and walking me to do ‘business class entry’ where I could enter without lining up first. For a fee, of course. Tricked, again! At the door of the airport building, my passport and ticket will be inspected by a government official to see if I have any business at the airport at this time. As I always have e-tickets, which I generally forget to print, I sometimes open up my laptop and show the guy the email containing the e-ticket. Works for him too.

I’ll line up for check-in and be approached by a lady from the airline who will hand my luggage tags. As I painfully learned about the tags¹ on my first trip, I know I should accept them. I then talk soft and sweet to the check-in lady, as she determines how good a seat I’m going to get on the flight. Thank you this, thank you that, if at all possible, whatever you can do for me, you’re so kind and thank you so much. And off I go!

Next step is immigration. This goes in two steps, the first line is always ridiculously long and will take you half an hour to get through. And this line is there because they employ a guy (two, actually) to check if you have filled out your departure card and hold a boarding card and passport. After having done that line once, I’m now a complete asshole and fill out the card on the tables at the front of the line and then simply sneak into the line. Nobody ever says anything, and then I wait in line for my departure stamp (which I get in exchange for a departure card from the immigration people). It is here that I regularly see the flight crew of KL872 pass by on their way to work. There are usually a lot of KLM boarding cards around me in these immigration lines too. A little home away from home. Or something.

Then I line up for security. Here there is a guy who checks if you have a boarding card and passport. Again. Then there are the regular security people checking your bags, the guys who are checking the guy who checks your bag, the guy who frisks you, the guy who is checking the guy who frisks you, the guy who stamps the luggage tags when they are cleared and the station manager who checks the guys who check the guys who do stuff. I am NOT kidding.

Then comes boarding time. There will be the lady, often two, who stand along side the queue to make sure everybody is holding their boarding card but is not holding their passport. Because the passport is no longer needed after this point, thank you! Then there is the lady who checks if you have actually put away your passport but are still holding your boarding card, then there is the government official who checks if the tags on your luggage have actually been stamped, then there is the government official who is chatting up the airline girls, errr, who is there for security. Then there are the ladies who take your boarding card and give you the small part back and then there is the airline duty manager who oversees the ladies who take your boarding card and give you the small part back.

And then, sawadii kaa, welcome on board sir.